Coach as Instrument: Why I Coach Part 1

This Week's Attunement

Last weekend, I attended my 45th high school reunion. (Go Chargers, class of ‘78!). Of a graduating class of 525, about 100 classmates attended, ~ 20%. I don't know what's typical, but to me, that seems like a staggeringly high percentage, especially after 45 years. I've been reflecting upon what's drawn people back year after year, how this relates to my experience of coaching, and a strange occurrence at this year's reunion.

I've attended my high school's reunions off and on over the years. (Originally, it was more of an excuse to see my childhood best friend and my family than a desire to connect with my high school chums.) I attended the 10th and later, the 25th, the 40th, and just now, the 45th.   
 

The ten-year reunion felt like a repeat of high school, with people sticking with their same cliques. The same distancing behavior based upon popularity and similarity. That was repellent enough for me to stop attending for a spell. But my best friend raved about the 20th and assured me the social dynamics had changed.

I decided to experience it for myself and attended the 25th. Sure enough, by the 25th, the tight social knots of our teenage years had begun to loosen, and the distance between people had narrowed. At the 40th, I experienced a remarkable increase in openness, curiosity, and warmth.  At this 45th reunion, it felt as if we were discovering each other anew, scratching our heads, looking for connections, even where few existed, and creating new ones.

Why am I waxing on about this?

Two Reasons.

One. Something about the unpatterning, the dissolution of distances, and the creation of new connections between my high school classmates reminds me of the evolution of a coach-client relationship and what's possible. 

When we first start working with our clients, they show up in their patterns. The issues, opportunities, and challenges they bring to coaching initially seem unique and different from each other. And with enough time, we begin to see the common roots of it all. And as we start working with our clients at the root of their patterns, they begin to discover themselves anew. (Oftentimes, we don't have enough coaching time to see our clients' patterns with sufficient clarity, which is why we created the WE-Q Profile – but that's a different story).

Two. Something strange happened at my reunion. People were lined up to talk to me. People I wasn't friends with in high school, hadn't kept up with, didn't recognize, and had little memory of.  

What made this especially strange is that I was not a particularly "popular" kid. I was teenage awkward and didn't stand out in any particular way. While I was involved in a variety of activities (e.g., marching band, school newspaper), I definitely wasn't in the "in" crowd, and I didn't have many friends. So why were these good folks lining up to talk with me?

The only conclusion I could come to was this: My classmates liked how they felt when they were with me.

I was doing what we coaches do. I was holding space and bearing witness to the humans before me. Nothing I was doing is special to us coaches. And I sensed that it felt very special to them. And they were basking in it. It was as if they were starving for it. I felt like a light in a dark room.

We coaches have a superpower, and people, especially after the pandemic, are hungry for it. We have the capability to be present and truly see the human before us. And it feels good.

To be clear, I wasn't "coaching" my classmates, the way we think of that. I wasn't "asking powerful questions" or trying to get somewhere with the conversation or trying to get them to see anything. There was no agenda. I was simply being human with the human across from me. I didn't need anything from them, and I could be present with them.

This is one of the reasons why I coach and why I love coaches and coaching. I believe that we coaches are instruments of something greater than ourselves, and oh boy, does the world need what we have and can do right now.

And I'm excited about the International Coaching Week 2023 next week. All week, we will be featuring our fabulous WE-Q Practitioners sharing why THEY coach.   

I hope you'll tune in for that. If you haven't already, follow us on LinkedIn for updates during International Coaching Week starting May 8.

I love what we coaches do, I love what I get to do, and I hope you'll join me in spreading it throughout the world. In the coffee line, at the grocery store, in our conversations with family and friends, and at our reunions. 

The world is hungry for what we coaches can provide.