Coach as Instrument: What’s important about what defines us?

This Week's Attunement

What defines us?

How much of what defines us is or has been of our choosing?

How much of what defines us happened to us or has been bestowed upon us?

What’s important about what defines us?

In his poem, Working Together, David Whyte says:

“We shape ourselves to fit this world and by the world are shaped again.” 

What feels true about this is that we shape ourselves in response to the world, and our responses to the world shape us again.

Many if not perhaps all lives are shaped by trauma, if not capital “T” trauma, then small “t” trauma.

In the documentary film, The Wisdom of Trauma, addiction expert Dr. Gabor Mate, says that trauma is not what happens to us, but our response to it. In other words, we can become defined not by the trauma but by our response to the trauma.

The problem as I see it is that often we aren’t aware of our trauma, or if we are aware of it, we distance and distract ourselves from it. And then we become defined by our trauma, defined not by us but by what’s happened to us.

In my mind, the WE-Q Profile can point to both capital “T” and small “t” trauma. And the gift in it is that we can help our clients become aware of how their reactions may define them.

And no, we don’t need to use the word “trauma.” That can tend to scare coaches and clients alike. And it feels important that we understand what we are talking about even if we don’t use the word.

We are talking about how our reactions to stress, conflict, challenge (born in a degree of trauma) are defining our lives.

Our work with clients (and ourselves) is about creating choice as to how we want to define ourselves (and even perhaps IF we want to define ourselves).

This is what the WE-Q Profile supports us in doing for our clients.

It is a unique instrument that highlights the largely non-conscious patterns of thoughts, emotions, and desires that reflect how we’ve learned to cope, protect and defend ourselves in relationships over the course of our lives, especially within our earliest relationships.

By shining a light on our non-conscious patterns, the WE-Q Profile provokes radically unique insights and provides a distinctive vocabulary for our specific internal experience. 

My hope is that you’ll experience it for yourself, so you can bring more awareness to your clients and experience the further unfolding of it with time and attention.

Learn more about the WE-Q Profile Experience here.