Coach as Instrument: Is it confidence or something else we need?

This Week's Attunement 

"The truth ends every conversation."
— Jerry Seinfeld

This quote cracks me up. And there's something to it. When a client has spoken the truth about their experience, there's an awe-struck kind of pause that follows (if I let it) that does its own work.

What's Making Me Laugh
So I can fill my joy bucket

My favorite episode so far of Comedies in Cars Getting Coffee is with Michael Richards who played Kramer. It's funny, but more than that, it's human, humane and healing. 

One of my intentions for this year is to spend some time each day laughing. I started over the holidays by watching Jerry Seinfeld's Netflix series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Most episodes are laugh-out-loud funny (to me anyway), about 20 minutes short, and therefore, snackable. In one of the episodes, Jerry is waved down by a trucker driving a 77-foot long, 18 wheeler who asks Jerry if he wants to drive his truck. Jerry says, "sure."

Undaunted, Jerry climbs in the cab, turns the key in the ignition, puts the truck in gear, and is about to give it gas when the trucker asks, "Jerry, are you feeling confident about this?" And as Jerry puts his foot on the gas pedal and drives forward, he says, "I do things without confidence!"

This hit me like a slap in the face. I do things without confidence! Who does stuff without confidence? Someone who's not deterred by failing. That's who! Wow. All these years, I've been focusing (myself and, to an extent, my clients) on building confidence and examining what creates confidence. My fundamental assumption has been that confidence is something someone needs to do something new. And you know what they say about assuming! I don't need confidence if I'm not afraid of screwing up! What a revelation!

I'm my biggest critic. And so, if I am well-intended and give myself grace, I don't actually need confidence at all! Perhaps this is obvious to you, and for me, it's like a light went on and now, when my son or when my client isn't feeling confident, the conversation will be less about what they can do to be confident and more exploration about the fear of messing up.