Coach as Instrument: Don't Try Coaching Your Mom

This Week's Attunement 

"If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family." 
— Ram Dass

It might go without saying, it's probably not a good idea to try coaching your mom. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I learned that lesson the hard way!

I went to Oklahoma to visit my 89-year-old mom recently. She's in remarkably good health and spirits most of the time.

On this recent visit, my mom repeatedly referred to my sister-in-law's sister as "The Diva." After the 4th or 5th time, I said, "You know that's a judgment, right?”

Oh, and did she hit the roof! Who did I think I was? Why was I always accusing her? It flipped a previously pleasant conversation to something quite unpleasant for both of us.

And she's right. She wasn't asking for "coaching." She wasn't asking for greater awareness of herself. She was subtly (and probably non-consciously) defining herself in a way through her judgment of another. And I was (unintentionally) defining myself as "better" than her by pointing out her judgment. Besides, I wasn't there to coach; I was there to be and connect with my mom.

As a coach, it can be easy to believe that we are a gift to all we encounter. And while that's true :) there isn't a substitute for simply being present and connecting with those we love (even when their blindspots appear to have a bull's eye on them).   

Until next week!