Coach as Instrument: When "Coaching" isn't Helping

This Week's Attunement 

“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.” 
— Mahatma Gandhi

A week or so ago, I attended a week-long training on using Breathwork as a means of healing. We were being instructed on how to work one on one and with groups, supporting people in using their breath to release the energies that no longer serve them. The participants were from various healing modalities: therapists, naturopaths, sound healers, and reiki masters. And most of them had some degree of difficulty with the instructions we were given.

We were told to:

1) Support people in developing an intention that would invite awareness
2) Instruct people how to perform the breathing pattern
3) Apply different essentials oils to support the opening of seven chakras and
4) Hold space for what was wanting to unfold for the client, letting the breath and the oils do their work.

Many trainees were wondering how they could possibly charge someone for doing so little. They were sure they should be doing something more.

The instructor, a master in this work for over 30 years, said, "Where awareness goes, energy flows," and our work was to support the client in creating awareness, allow the breath to move the energy, and trust the client's organic process for healing. We experienced some remarkable changes in ourselves and each other by following this process through the course of the week.

I see similar inclinations among coaches, this sense that we need to be "doing something more" and "making something happen." When we as coaches are "trying to make something happen," THAT'S when "coaching" isn't helping.

The more I'm exposed to masters in various fields, the more I see how they trust in their client's organic unfolding. We had Marcia Reynolds as a podinar guest a few weeks ago, and she's a master in Reflective Inquiry. She reflects back on what the client is saying and asks a question. My own experience is that simply reflecting back on what the client is saying is often enough for them to access their own insights. It's like a tennis match; they just need someone to bat the ball around.

Similarly, earlier this year, we co-created a short class with David Drake, who developed the field of Narrative Coaching. The foundation of Narrative Coaching is that the stories our clients tell contain the seeds of their awakening. And when we work with our clients' stories, inquiring into them, we can connect them with the wisdom their own narrative has for them.

Our work as coaches is less about "making something happen" and more about paying closer and closer attention to what's already happening and being the advocate for the client's organic process, whatever that is. We focus on this in our Emergent Coaching Certification training.

So, whenever you find yourself feeling impatient during a coaching session or tired after a coaching session, consider the possibility that you are "coaching" too hard. And maybe turn your attention away from yourself and your figuring mind's needs to formulate a powerful question or make something happen and tune into what's already emerging in the field between you and your client.

Your client will appreciate and feel your attention and your trust in their process. And you won't need to "work" as hard!