Coach as Instrument: Trusting ourselves to know

What I'm Pondering
So I can stay curious

                 “We, too, should look around us and be observant because everything in the world is ready to teach us. With even a little intuitive wisdom, we will then be able to see clearly through the ways of the world. We will come to understand that everything in the world is a teacher. Trees and vines, for example, can all reveal the true nature of reality. With wisdom, there is no need to question anyone, no need to study. We can learn from nature enough to be enlightened because everything follows the way of truth.”
— Ajahn Chah

I have been reflecting on this quote from Ajahn Chah (one of Jack Kornfield’s teachers) for days now. My mind can’t quite seem to pin it down. So, I’m going to take what little I can discern from it and flow with what’s coming up for me now.

Last week, I attended a meeting of a CEO roundtable that I have facilitated and been a member of for 7-ish years. Membership of the group has been steady, and we’ve been able to do deep work together.

We held the meeting at one of the member’s homes, and as we were waiting for more members to arrive, I sat down on the couch next to the host, looked at him, and gave him a big hug. When I pulled back from the hug, I looked at him again, and his face had changed.

Curious, I asked him, “How are you?” He replied, “I was fine until you hugged me,” and he started to cry.  Something about our interaction tapped him into what he had been feeling and suppressing. Later, together with the group, we explored what was going on for him.

In those first moments of arrival, a part of me knew something was wanting to happen with him. A part of me knew he needed a hug. A part of me could see the hug had shifted something. A part of me knew to ask him about what the hug had changed. The moment as it emerged felt profound.

In the past, I have tended to be very prepared, very scripted, and very organized. I’d arrive at a meeting with an agenda of what we’d all do and how the meeting would go. More and more, as I’ve begun to drop my preparation and pay more and more attention to the nature of the reality that is present and emerging, our work together has deepened. And the group and its members have grown, changed, and developed at an astonishing rate.

For me, working emergently can feel, at times, like performing a high-wire act without a net (e.g., If I don’t prepare and have a plan and follow a script, how do I know we’ll accomplish what we want to and that I’ll be doing a “good job”). And I’m realizing that working this way is my own way of growing, changing, and developing, and that can be scary.

I’m learning to trust that we humans are always in the process of learning and growing, and my work is to enhance my ability to notice what’s already happening and be loving and curious about it.

If you’d like to learn more about working emergently, join us for the Emergent Coaching Certification starting in April 2023.

While most certification programs are intended to provide you with a client toolbox, the Emergent Coaching Certification guides you on a powerful deep dive into how to offer yourself and your clients a place of deep presence, acceptance, and awareness. Learn more here.