Seeing the Best

 

“Kindness is seeing the best in others when they can not see it in themselves.”

― RAKtivist 

As the mother of a film student, I spend a chunk of each family vacation watching notable films from decades passed. This early spring break, alongside Citizen Kane and Dune (the first one), we watched the 2012 documentary, Searching for Sugarman. (Spoiler alert: After reading this, key mysteries of the film will be revealed).

In brief, the film is about the 1990’s search for a musician, little known in his home country, the US, who was, as the movie says, “bigger than Elvis” in South Africa. The musician, Sixto Rodriguez, was a singer-songwriter-philosopher-poet compared with the likes of Bob Dylan who produced two albums in the mid 70s that became the soundtrack to apartheid resistance in South Africa.

Over about 20 years, Rodriguez sold hundreds of thousands of records in South Africa. In the meantime, in the US, after a deeply disappointing home country reception, Rodriguez returned to his “day” job as a day laborer, and stopped making music. He remained in the dark about his enormous popularity in South Africa, due certainly to some irregularities on the part of the US record label who had signed and released him. For the next 20 years, his music continued to be canonized in South Africa, deeply embedded in the culture, and outside of his awareness.

In South Africa, an air of mystery surrounded the absence of new music by Rodriguez, particularly given his extraordinary notoriety. Urban legends surfaced that he’d committed suicide while performing. But no one knew for sure what had happened to this man who penned the anthems of a generation with songs like I Wonder. They wanted more from the man whose songs gave voice to their dissonance with their government’s policies.

So, the film is about the search for Rodriguez, (referred to in the film as Sugarman based upon a character in one of his songs). Without spoiling too much, in the mid 90’s, they did find Rodriguez, still a day laborer, still working construction, still living humbly in a derelict home he’d purchased from the government in the 70s for $50. (You’ll have to watch the film to learn the rest - it’s worth it!).

About now, you might be thinking, “So what are you now, Alison, a film reviewer? What does this have to do with coaching?”

It’s this. I believe…..

Inside each of us humans is something precious. Something unique. Something original. And it may be the case that almost no one around us can see it. We may be surrounded by people who don’t see our gifts, who can’t hear our voice, perhaps because of their own biases. And we can grow silent.

As coaches, I believe….

It’s up to us to seek, hear and celebrate the voice of our clients. To hear, attend to and draw out their self expression. We are “the South Africa to their Rodriguez”. We are their biggest fan.

I am an enormous fan of every human I coach. Genuinely. I see how incredibly awesome they are and I’m rooting for them. I love my clients and I pray for them. And I do it because I can, I want to, I choose to. And because they PAY me.

That's not to say that all of my clients are sweet, laid back, warm and kind human beings. Some of my clients are intense, angry, anxious, challenging, perfectionistic, unyielding. And yet still, I find and cultivate their goodness, their voice, their uniqueness. I see the best of them and I remind them of what and who I see.

Do you love your clients? Are you a raving fan of your clients? Each of them?

If not, that’s OK.

Think of a client you don’t love or who is hard to love. What’s hard to love about them? What judgment, if any, do you hold about them? (It’s OK, we all judge.)

How might that hard to love part of your client relate to a way in which they’ve been hurt? What do you know of their wounding? (I’m not suggesting that you need to dig around in their past, but instead be curious about what’s motivating them to protect and defend themselves the way they are.) How can you hold your client in your heart?

We’ve all been wounded. I think that’s why it can be hard to love some folks. Our woundedness can show up in ways that are not attractive, mindful or relational. And that doesn’t mean that there is something “wrong” with us. It means that something has “happened” to us.

And I believe…..

Coaching can be healing. That love can heal. That love is the single most effective “method” a coach has of making a difference in the lives of their clients.

So, let’s do THAT!

We coaches don’t necessarily love our clients because of who they are. We love them because of who we are to them.

Love is free. It doesn’t require an investment in a coaching training class or a certification. It doesn’t require special knowledge or skills. And it’s probably the best client retention “technique” I know.

What if our being our best as a coach were seeing the best in our clients? What if our being our best means we’re loving our clients into their fullest expression of themselves? Isn’t that why we do what we do anyway?