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How do you know when your work with a client is done?

If you have a contract or an agreement with an end date, there may not be much doubt about when the work ends (especially if someone besides the client is paying). But if you don't have a hard end date when working with a client, how do you know when the work is done, and how do you know when your work with a client may be going on too long?

As you can hear in the framing of the question, there's a bit of an embedded judgment about the "right amount of time" to work with a client. That's intentional on my part, perhaps because I've felt this judgment from others.

I have a confession to make. I can be a difficult client. It’s true. 

When I’ve been coached, I’ve been known to say, “that sounds more like your language than mine,” or “where are you going with that question?” Or when the coach and I stare at each other for an unnatural length of time without speaking, saying, “Your turn.”

I don’t mean to be difficult. I value what can come from coaching. AND I’ve found that I’m VERY sensitive to feeling like my coach is leading the conversation. And if the coach is leading the conversation, then the agenda is no longer mine. It’s theirs. 

A few years ago, I attended a 7-day silent retreat. On the last day, when we were allowed to speak, I asked a few people if they’d be willing to share the highlight of their week. What I heard each time was an awareness of something that had been “hiding in plain sight.” 

One person said the highlight of their week was beholding the wings of a hummingbird in flight. Another person said it was witnessing the steam rising from his coffee in the morning and then settling into condensation around his mug minutes later. What was common to all the responses I heard was joy found in the presence of everyday life.

What would it be like for you to feel safe and fully attended to?

What would it be like for you to be able to be fully, unabashedly, and organically yourself with someone? To have your gestures, words, emotions, thoughts, desires, and needs noticed, allowed, accepted, affirmed, and attuned with?

If you could allow yourself to envision this and its effect on you, you'd get a sense of what it means to have every moment met.

On a recent morning run through my neighborhood, I rounded a corner and was startled by what appeared to be a doe and her two fawns (I live in a residential neighborhood only about a mile from the edge of Washington DC. Not exactly a rural area.)

As I gazed upon these lovely, wild, gentle creatures, I worried about their well-being. Where would they find food? Would they be safe? Will this mother be able to care for her offspring?

As I watched them pass and continued running, I found myself crying. Crying for all the mothers that fear for their children. For all the nature being destroyed or truncated or paved over.

Do you feel that your work as a coach is a calling?

Is coaching something you sense you "were meant" to do?

Many coaches have told me they would never have predicted when they started out in life that they'd become a coach and that their coaching journey was a "zig-zaggy" one. And they go on to say that somehow, all that zig-zagging resulted in preparing them ideally for what they do now. Do you feel that way?

Perhaps coaching is not a calling for everyone who coaches (and that's ok).

What do you believe about why difficult things happen to us?

The losses? The pain? The trauma?

Do you believe that there is no rhyme or reason why anything happens to anyone? Do you believe we are being tested? Do you believe there is something for us to learn? What difference does it make what you believe as a coach?

What we believe as a coach matters to our clients,

A week or so ago, I attended a week-long training on using Breathwork as a means of healing. We were being instructed on how to work one on one and with groups, supporting people in using their breath to release the energies that no longer serve them. The participants were from various healing modalities: therapists, naturopaths, sound healers, and reiki masters. And most of them had some degree of difficulty with the instructions we were given.

We were told to:

1) Support people in developing an intention that would invite awareness

"Let it be easy."

Why do we, as coaches, sometimes become so tapped out? Why do we sometimes run out of energy when we love what we do?

In the last week at a unique weeklong training, I've learned that when we are feeling spent, it's because we are not in the flow of love and exchange. 

David Elliott, the leader of this training, defined exchange as "the flow of energy or consciousness given and received as energy, respect, value, appreciation, and love (it can also refer to goods, services, and money)." While this felt intuitive to me at some level (you too?),

Our clients tell us lots of stories.

In the past, I've had clients who talked in almost nothing but stories. At the time, I was flummoxed by it. I was unable to discern what they were wanting from any given session because even they weren't able to articulate it.

Since then, I've learned that the stories my clients tell have wisdom of their own. I've learned two critical things about the stories our clients (and we, for that matter) tell:

1) Every story has a purpose (even if the teller doesn't know what the...