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For some people and for many organizational cultures, emotions equal drama, and drama is bad. Drama is inefficient and "bad for business." And in this way, our emotions become pathologized - meaning the natural and essential human experience of emotions is made abnormal.

So, let's look at what the heck emotions are, why we need them, and how we make sense of them.

What are emotions? What we call "emotions" has no commonly agreed-upon definition. And there's still a lot we don't know about them.

Most of us aren't directly educated about emotions. It's not a subject offered in most schools, and what we do learn is typically taught indirectly and usually in our family of origin. And there, we learn more about emotions by how they are reacted to than by what is said about them.

As a result, many popular misconceptions exist about emotions, what they are, what they mean, and their value. In this newsletter, I'll share five common myths about emotions and the truth of each one.

Note: Feel free to share this newsletter with your clients who are exploring their emotions and developing their emotional literacy.

For those who use the WE-Q Profile with clients to get at the root of relational and performance challenges, Self/Other orientation is a familiar concept. For virtually everyone else, it's new.

What is Self/Other Orientation? Self/Other orientation is an internal working model developed largely in childhood that reflects where we tend to place our focus under stress: inward toward our Self or outward toward others and the world around us.

What is significant about Self/Other orientation is that it is at the root of how we humans tend to lose our Self-agency when challenged.

Throughout his works, author and mythologist Joseph Campbell forwarded the notion of a "hero's journey," a journey that every human is on, consciously or unconsciously, to know and experience themselves fully. He believed that inside each of us, there is a "hero" who seeks to discover who they are and who they can become.

In my work at Learning in Action, using our instrument, the WE-Q Profile, I have learned that we humans tend to lose what Joseph Campbell might have called our "Hero Self" along our life's journey. When we are born, to survive and adapt to our families, we shape ourselves to fit what's available, what's allowed, and what's tolerated.

Every year for the past few years, Google has created a brief video summarizing the themes of what people worldwide searched for in the previous year. In 2022, people across the globe were asking: "Can I change?"

In a way, this same question is implied by our clients when they come to us for coaching. Can my life be different? Can I do better? Can I reach beyond where I am now?

A few weeks ago, I attended a conference where Bob Kegan, author of the book Immunity to Change, delivered a keynote address. In a couple of hours, he walked us through the Immunity to Change Map. (If you are unfamiliar with the Immunity to Change model, it's definitely worth looking into as a coaching tool. You can find a simple explanation of how to use it here.)

What do you believe about the role of a coach? What matters about what we coaches do?

To explain what I believe about the role of a coach, I'll have to start all the way back to why humans exist. (Yeah, I'm going there.)

Why do humans exist? What's the point of us?

The scientist and astronomer Carl Sagan said, "'The cosmos is within us. We are made of star stuff. We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself."
What the heck does that even mean?

What defines us?

How much of what defines us is or has been of our choosing?

How much of what defines us happened to us or has been bestowed upon us?

What’s important about what defines us?

In his poem, Working Together, David Whyte says:

A few days ago, I completed a challenge called 75 Hard. The primary rules of 75 Hard are: for 75 days: 1) Follow a diet and stick to it; no cheats. 2) No alcohol. 3) Work out for 45 minutes twice a day, once outside. 4) Drink a gallon of water per day. 5) Read 10 pages of non-fiction per day (not an audiobook) 6) Take a progress photo every day 7) If you miss a day, start over 8) No alcohol — did I mention no alcohol?

While I’m glad it’s over, I’m taking away a pretty powerful insight.

My insight: I’ve been shouldering a boatload of guilt. While this wasn’t a complete surprise, recognizing the weight of the guilt I was carrying was a revelation.

I love this short poem by Portia Nelson because it chronicles how awareness works. At first blush, we might wonder if it really takes Five Chapters for our awareness to result in a change in our behavior. And I’d say, that for most of us, it takes way more than Five Chapters! For me, it might take a lifetime.  :)

Many of us, myself included, spent time with family over Thanksgiving. There’s nothing like family to remind us of the deep holes in our sidewalks and our patterns of falling in.

I’m always curious about what keeps us in patterns that don’t serve us,

I have been reflecting on this quote from Ajahn Chah (one of Jack Kornfield’s teachers) for days now. My mind can’t quite seem to pin it down. So, I’m going to take what little I can discern from it and flow with what’s coming up for me now.

Last week, I attended a meeting of a CEO roundtable that I have facilitated and been a member of for 7-ish years. Membership of the group has been steady, and we’ve been able to do deep work together.

We held the meeting at one of the member’s homes, and as we were waiting for more members to arrive,